1450 E. 52nd Street
Every neighborhood needs a decent sex shop, and perhaps none more so than rather top-heavy Hyde Park. Well, we have one, and they're glad to be here ("located in historic Hyde Park"), but not only that, they're having a major Vibe Sale.
Drawers Intimates was closed the bright winter morning I happened past their storefront signage, but this did not keep me from speculating, in true University of Chicago style, upon what might be the ideal-typical, theory-laden inventory of Vibes best suited to the Hyde Park market -- Vibes, that is, sold by an independent, small business, and custom-tailored to the unique clientele of our diverse and sophisticated neighborhood.
Number one on this inventory would be the black, vinyl-coated, and cordless Wrecking Ball, with two adjustable settings: one for "Harper Court" (Low) and another for "Doctors Hospital" (High). The Wrecking Ball would be perfect for aging NIMBY matriarchs who, though outwardly demure when pedaling their bicycles down 56th Street in long skirts and owlish glasses, fantasize (in stolen, private moments) of wanton acts of architectural demolition.
For the high-powered academic set -- and in particular for the misfit Men and Boys of the Committee on Social Thought -- we envision the pink, jelly-filled, and life-sized Platonic Boy, designed to provide years of durable consolation to terminal Masters students facing the bleak prospect of guaranteed academic unemployment, supervisory neglect, and endless revisions of their reactionary theses on Al Farabi. The Platonic Boy comes with detachable laurel wreath, an inflatable Greek vase (with insulated beer cup) cast in the 6th century Attic Style, and is equipped to utter Heroclitian aphorisms when embraced.
Called away moments later by the obligations of the day, here ended my reflections upon this simple set of three ideal-typical Hyde Park Vibes. I hope they provide free inspiration and commercial success to another of our proud, local retailers committed to serving all of Hyde Park's needs. Feel free to suggest your own (or to contact me for questions of industrial design and patenting).