Thursday, July 3, 2008
Herald's Chicken: Point Savers Enforce Swimming Ban
posted by Peter Rossi
Chicago Police are beefing up efforts to harass swimmers off of Promontory Point as part of a team effort with the Save the Point Task Force on preservation.
"The historic revetment is a 'living museum' and should not be sullied by these brazen swimmers," huffed Point Saver Spokesman Leon Lame-Brain.
"Since May 2001, the evil Park District has offered to sanction deep water swimming off of the Point. We saw this ploy for what it is: an attempt to make the Point a usable park. We have rejected these plans out of hand for some time now," continued Mr. Lame-Brain.
Other preservationists on the task force questioned the political orientation of the swimming community. "Swimming is a sport of the upper class. Some of the swimmers have disturbing foreign accents. We have even heard that professors and students at the elitist University of Chicago like to swim off the Point. We are the arbiters of acceptable activities at the Point," commented one task force member who wished to remain anonymous.
"Bicycling is a pursuit more suitable for the people," commented another task force member, mounting a new titanium road bike.
Task force members have teamed up with police to report swimmers. "Not since the 68 convention has the Chicago Police Force distinguished itself with such a level of community service," declared task force president Don Veal.
"We have successfully delayed sanctioned swimming at the Point for more than eight years and intend to keep this unlawful activity out of our park forever. This will require eternal vigilance," observed Mr. Veal.
Other members of the task force were not as optimistic. "We are concerned that the users of the Point may come to their senses and push for acceptance of the Compromise Plan. This diabolical plan would allow for swimming, fix the Point, and restore the Caldwell landscaping. We plan on redoubling our efforts to misrepresent the facts and dupe our elected officials," whispered Ms. Constance White-Nimby, task force co-chair.
While there is no evidence that Point Savers are calling in the Chicago Police, it is a fact that this group has fought plans by the Park District to fix the Point and create a sanctioned deep-water swimming area since May of 2001. Sanctioned deep-water swimming and water access has been in every plan proposed by the City since May 2001.