Showing posts with label Questionable Landlords. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Questionable Landlords. Show all posts

Saturday, August 1, 2009

The 53rd Street Plastic Red Man

posted by chicago pop




53rd Street seems to be at a low-point.

Nothing symbolizes this more than the ridiculous plastic-poly-composite-faux "Red Indian" that has been planted at the intersection of 53rd and Harper, across from the empty hulk of the old Herald Building and Harper Court.

Here we have yet another Hyde Park smoke shop with a genius for advertising, a flare for self-promotion, and, topping its more modest cousin in the basement space at Hyde Park Boulevard and 55th Street, a commitment to out-and-out buffoonery.

We'll note that since we first posted on the obnoxious ad blitz launched by "Cigarettes for Less" earlier this summer at 5503 1/2 S. Hyde Park Boulevard, most of what we then found to be obnoxious has been removed: the free-standing placard chained to a public light pole, which we are told was removed at the request of 5th Ward Alderman Hairston, and an unsightly wooden sign randomly bolted to the side of an otherwise handsome and historic Hyde Park apartment building.


Both are now gone, and for the better, much diminishing our initial objections.

Yet no sooner did the cheesy advertising on one prominent street corner abate, than by some unholy Archimedian principle of cheese dynamics, the same volume of cheesiness was displaced to yet another and even more prominent location. The same location that all the players in Hyde Park are working to make a "destination" for the region.

Destination: Red Man

This particular improvement, such as it is, has not so far been highlighted on the University of Chicago blog devoted to 53rd Street redevelopment, 53rdstreetblog. We can't imagine why not.

At least one Hyde Park resident dislikes the plastic-composite-poly-faux Red Man, one Ms. Marie Jackson, whose letter to the editor of the July 29 Hyde Park Herald takes issue with what she feels is the racist nature of the statue.

But even were the statue in question a plastic knock-off of a sculpture by Phidias or Praxiteles, or an inflatable Ben Franklin or Homer Simpson, it would still be an unwarranted imposition of junky advertising on the public way, an intrusion on the commons.

And just a wee bit out-of-date.

As long ago as 1871, the New York Times felt that the use of "Red Indian" statues in front of "tobacconist" shops had become déclassé. Granted, Chicago tends to lag the styles and trends of New York by a few years, but a lag of roughly a century-and-a-half should be more than enough time for even our less attentive merchants to catch on.

Wrote the Times in 1871, in the idiom of the period:

The fumacious or ruminant consumer of the nicotene weed is frequently confronted at the entrance of the store where these things are sold with a graven image to which he might, if idolatrously inclined, bow down and offer up his devotions...to those monstrous creations of some former epoch...

The ill-proportioned savage in front of the corner cigar store, with whom our youthful eyes were once unpleasantly familiar, has descended from his pedestal to make room for a robust maiden of the Minnehaha persuasion...

Of course, we can argue with the author that neither a Minnehaha statue, nor any other kind of self-authorized decoration of the public way, is really an improvement, nor terribly tasteful. We'd prefer sidewalks to be clear for use by pedestrians and, where appropriate, restaurant seating. Not cheesy plastic statues.

Alderman Hairston asked that the much less objectionable free-standing sign in the photograph above be removed from the corner of 55th and HPB.

Surely 4th Ward Alderman Preckwinkle can get a tacky, plastic statue removed from a prominent corner of what both Preckwinkle and the University of Chicago hope to be the commercial heart of Hyde Park?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Landlords of Hyde Park: How to Go Ghetto at 55th and HP Boulevard

posted by chicago pop

I'm very fond of the intersection of Hyde Park Boulevard and 55th Street. It's got good bones. Take away the bus stops and contemporary signage, and a location scout might be able to convince a Hollywood producer that the panorama was vintage Chicago, ca. 1925. Looking down HPB to the south, the lawn and majestic facade of the Museum of Science and Industry; to the east, Promontory Point; to the north, the wide, tree-shaded boulevard.

It's too bad, then, that the landlord of one prominent building at this intersection has decided to go ghetto with their property, and grace it with this classy little establishment:

Extra Cheeseball Points for Big Vinyl Banner at
You Roll-em Smoke Shop
(they sell phone cards, too)

You may know the building I'm talking about. It's the handsome structure on the SE corner of Hyde Park Boulevard and 55th that has been a dynamic incubator of Hyde Park small retail, or at least an incubator of awesome cosmetology signage:

Lotsa Plastic Earns Respectable Cheeseball Points
...or,

Ooops! Mr. & Mrs. Hair Weave Don't Live Here Anymore...
All Cheesball Points Forfeited

The latest addition, the smoke shop at 5503 1/2 S. Hyde Park Boulevard, is not to be outdone in in the aesthetics of cheesy signage, which happens to spill over into public space:

Urban Loveliness of "Tobacco for Less" at the 5500 building of S. Hyde Park Boulevard

This is simply an atrocity.

Especially when you know something about the backstory of the little walk-down space at 5503 1/2: the ceiling collapsed on the former tenant, a high-end bike shop, raining mold and asbestos throughout the space. The tenant relocated elsewhere in Hyde Park, and 5503 1/2 sat empty for over a year. It's not clear what repairs were made and whether the environmental hazard was addressed. What is clear is that the former tenant, Tati Bike Shop, was the kind of unique, boutique retail operation that everyone in Hyde Park says they want.

What replaced it is not.

We happen to know that the owner of this building is also the proud landlord of a similarly maintained property at the SW corner of 53rd and Harper Avenue (west of Pizza Capri, and directly south of the old Herald Building), where you can also get bongs, smokes, phone cards, maybe a few extra cardboard cut-out Wild Turkey signs, and knock-off perfume laced with pheremones that will "drive him wild."

So we've decided to give this landlord our quarterly HPP's Favorite Landlord Award. Contestant must score high points in each of the following categories:

1) Plentiful, Cheesy Retail Signage
2) Overall Ghetto Flavor and Wide Selection of Cheeseball Products
3) Locating as Many Hair and Nail Salons on One Strip as Possible
4) Giving a Lease to the Guys who Run That Other Bongs-Smokes-and-Pheremones Place on 53rd St.

This quarter, the award goes to the landlord of 5500 S. Hyde Park Boulevard, hands down. Congratulations! Hyde Park welcomes you!